Tips for Managing Grief During the Holidays

By Rev. Dr. Shawn Crisman, Bereavement Coordinator, Margaret Mary Hospice

The holiday season can be a joyful time for many, but for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, it can also be a time of intense sadness and emotional struggle. The holidays often bring memories of past celebrations, and the absence of a loved one can create a sense of emptiness and longing. If you’re grieving, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings are valid, and there is no “right” way to experience the holidays. However, there are strategies that can help you cope and manage your grief during this challenging time.

1. Acknowledge Your Grief: The holidays season can bring a rush of emotions, ranging from sadness to anger, confusion or even guilt. It’s essential to recognize that grief does not follow a set timeline, and it doesn’t disappear just because the calendar says it’s time for the celebration. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise, without shame or judgement. Understanding it’s okay to grieve during the holidays is the first step toward healing.
2. Create New Traditions or Modify Old Ones: For many, the holidays season is deeply tied to family traditions. After the loss of a loved one, those traditions may be painful to continue in the same way. While it’s important to honor the memory of your loved one, consider adjusting old traditions or creating new ones that reflect where you are in your grief journey. Perhaps you could dedicate time to share fond memories of your loved one, or you might choose a new activity that brings comfort, like volunteering or spending time in quiet reflection. Creating new rituals allows you to shape the season in a way that respects your grief while still acknowledging the holidays.
3. Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself: The pressure to “do it all” during the holidays can feel overwhelming, especially when grieving. You may feel an obligation to participate in holiday events or decorate your home, but it is important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t be afraid to decline invitations or skip certain activities if they feel too emotionally taxing. You may want to keep things simple or choose a more private way to spend the day. Your emotional well-being is the priority, so allow yourself the space to step back from any expectations that feel burdensome.
4. Reach Out for Support: Grief can be a very isolating experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. During the holidays, reach out to friends, family or support groups for understanding and connection. Sometimes, just talking about your loved one or sharing how you’re feeling can bring a sense of relief. If family members are also grieving, it can be helpful to lean on each other for support. Additionally, consider joining a grief support group, either in person or online. Margaret Mary hospice offers grief groups during the holidays to provide a safe space for those navigating loss. You don’t have to hide your grief. Talking about it can be therapeutic.
5. Honor Your Loved One’s Memory: One of the most healing ways to manage grief during the holidays is to find meaningful ways to honor the memory of your loved one. This could involve lighting a candle in their honor, hanging an ornament with their name on it or visiting a place that was special to them. You could also create a memory box filled with photographs and keepsakes or write a letter expressing your love and gratitude for the time you had together. These acts of remembrance can offer comfort and help you hold onto the love you shared while acknowledging the sadness of their absence.
6. Take Care of Yourself Physically and Mentally: Grieving can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, especially during the holidays when stress levels may increase. It’s important to prioritize self-care by getting adequate rest, eating nourishing foods and engaging in physical activity, even if it’s just a short walk. Taking care of your body can help improve your emotional state, giving you the strength to manage grief. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or depressed, it may be beneficial to speak with a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief support.
7. Allow Yourself to Feel Joy: Grief and joy can coexist. While it may seem difficult to feel happy or joyful when you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, it’s important to allow yourself moments of peace, laughter and even hope. You don’t have to feel guilty for experiencing moments of happiness. Those moments are part of your healing process. Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting or replacing your loved one; it simply means finding new ways to live with the grief while still embracing life’s joys.
8. Be Gentle with Yourself: It’s easy to be hard on yourself during the holidays, especially when you’re feeling like you “should” be doing better or “should” be able to cope. But grief is a unique journey for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, nor is there a specific timeline. Be patient with yourself. It’s okay to have difficult moments, and it’s okay to need time to heal. Give yourself grace and acknowledge you’re doing the best you can.
9. Consider Seeking Professional Help: Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming, especially if it interferes with your ability to function in daily life. If you’re struggling to cope with grief during the holidays or feel like it’s becoming unmanageable, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. Counselors, grief specialists and hospice bereavement coordinators can provide valuable guidance during this time. At Margaret Mary hospice, we offer bereavement services specifically designed to help individuals navigate their grief journey.
10. Focus on What You Can Control: During the holidays, there are often many factors beyond your control. However, you do have control over how you respond to them. Focus on the things you can manage, such as how you spend your time, the people you choose to be with and the way you care for yourself. Give yourself the freedom to make decisions that are in alignment with your emotional needs and boundaries.

Final Thoughts: The holidays are never easy when you’re grieving, but they can become an opportunity to reflect, remember and find new ways to honor your loved one. Give yourself permission to grieve, to adjust your traditions and to lean on the support around you. Your grief is a journey requiring compassion, time and understanding, and with each step you take, healing is possible. May peace find its way to you this holiday season, even as you navigate the difficult path of grief. May you know you are not alone.